80+ Funny Love Quotes That Will Crack You Up

These love quotes will surely make you laugh. Enjoy!

17/11/2020 16:00:00h

Read these funny love quotes that will crack you up.

Funny Love Quotes

Love is something very important in someone's life, but we can't forget about humor. Moments feel more special when you remember them with a laugh. Laughing and having fun with your partner will make your relationship stronger and happier. Of course, sometimes there are parts in love that don't seem funny at first, but then you find yourself laughing about. Live, LOVE, and LAUGH!

With these funny love quotes, we only want to put some color in your relationship and make it fun. Share these quotes with your beloved ones and make them crack up.

1"Love is like a lost fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit."

Stephen K. Amos

2"I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!"

Unknown

3"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."

Phyllis Diller

4"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are."

Will Ferrell

5"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

Rita Rudner

6"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."

Richard Jeni

7"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?"

Lily Tomlin

8"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

Groucho Marx

9"Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass."

English Proverb

10"Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else."

Jean Kerr

11"I love you even when I'm really, really hungry"

Unknown

12"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

Rodney Dangerfield

13"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

Albert Einstein

14"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."

Erma Bombeck

15"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there."

George Burns

16"The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love."

Sophie Monroe

17"They say true love hides behind every corner, I must be walking in circles."

Unknown

18"Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop."

H. L. Mencken

19"Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill & not doing it because you’d miss them!"

Unknown

20"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."

Charles M. Schulz

21"Love is the seventh sense, which destroys all the other six senses."

Unknown

22"Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery."

Fulton J. Sheen

23"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."

Carroll Bryant

24"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."

Zsa Zsa Gabor

25"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."

Erich Segal

26"You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better."

Unknown

27"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?"

Jean Illsley Clarke

28"An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."

Agatha Christie

29"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener"

Pauline Thomason

30"Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator."

Helen Gurley Brown

31"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."

Andy Warhol

32"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."

Steven Wright

33"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell."

Joan Crawford

34"I love you more than coffee, but please don't make me prove it."

Elizabeth Evans

35"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale."

Hussein Nishah

36"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood."

Oscar Wilde

37"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore."

Bree Luckey

38"My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met."

Rodney Dangerfield

39"Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock."

Jewish Proverb

40"They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?"

Unknown

41"Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one."

Fran Lebowitz

42"Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house."

Unknown

43"Besides chocolate, you're my favourite."

Unknown

44"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."

Thomas Dewar

45"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something."

Fran Lebowitz

46"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."

Bob Hope

47"Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions."

Tommy Dewar

48"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

Ambrose Bierce

49"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

Henry Youngman

50"Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?"

Janet Periat

51"I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate - but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza."

Alf Whit

52"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”

Woody Allen

53"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."

Henny Youngman

54"Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull."

H.L. Mencken

55"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

David Bissonette

56"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."

Pearl Bailey

57"Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like."

Adrienne Gusoff

58"Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."

Unknown

59"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?"

Bette Midler

60"You can't buy love on eBay."

Unknown

61"A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him."

Brendan Francis

62"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch."

Cathy Carlyle

63"Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries."

Cher

64"It is impossible to love and be wise."

Francis Bacon

65"Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it."

George Carlin

66"When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you. And she never did."

James Fineous McBride

67"It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up."

Joan Rivers

68"Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.”

Joan Rivers

69"No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along."

Joyce Brothers

70"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."

Katharine Hepburn

71"True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one."

La Rochefoucauld

72"The only people who make love all the time are liars."

Louis Jordan

73"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby."

Natalie Wood

74"Love is a grave mental disease."

Plato

75"Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

Rita Rudner

76"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Woody Allen

77"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

Steve Martin

78"The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty."

Woody Allen

79"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."

Woody Allen

80"All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems."

Shelley Winters

81"Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity. "

Friedrich Nietzsche

82"I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands."

Dudley Moore

83"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him."

Cher

84"The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."

Unknown

➡️ Love