George Burns

Best 30 George Burns Quotes

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” - George Burns

Best 30 George Burns Quotes | iSTOCK

George Burns Quotes

George Burns was known for being a famous comedian, but he was also a singer, actor, and writer. As well as his eyebrow and his cigar, his jokes and quotes have become very famous and made him become what he was. Read this compilation of the best George Burns quotes to commemorate his life and his career.

1“Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.”

2"I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast."

3"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

4"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

5“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

6"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

7"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."

8“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.”

9“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

10"There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up."

11"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."

12"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

13"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."

14“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”

15“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.”

16"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."

17“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.”

18"I love to sing and drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch."

19"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."

20"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something."

21"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."

22“Young. Old. Just Words.”

23“Say Goodnight Gracie.”

24“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.”

25"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."

26"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."

27"I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it."

28"Don't stay in bed unless you can make money in bed."

29“Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.”

30“Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman... or a bad woman.”