⚫ 30+ Dark Humor Quotes To Make You Laugh

09/12/2020 08:15h

Dark Humor Quotes

Life can be full of hard times, this is when we have to hang on the things and moments that make us laugh the most. You just have to look at the funny part of life to find laughter where you think you can't.

Dark humor is not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm sure these dark humor quotes will make you laugh and you will enjoy them. Check it out!

1"Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk."

Robert Bloch

2"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

Terry Pratchett

3"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

Johnny Carson

4"I have a drinking problem, I can’t afford it."

Unknown

5"When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day."

Jay Wickre

6"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

Al McGuire

7"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore."

James Hetfield

8"My friend died doing what he loved... Heroin."

DeAnne Smith

9"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."

Oscar Wilde

10"When in doubt, blow something up."

J. Michael Straczynski

11"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

George Burns

12"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

Hunter S. Thompson

13"I did not need an unstable relationship to teach me about the evils of broken promises. I had parents for that."

Michelle Franklin

14"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

Anton Chekhov

15"Say what you want about the deaf."

Jimmy Carr

16"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

Will Rogers

17"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit."

Mel Brooks

18"You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue."

Claude Chabrol

19"If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged."

Terry Pratchett

20"Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat"

Unknown

21"Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen."

22“When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day.”

Jay Wickre

23“The dumber people think you are, the most surprised they're going to be when you kill them.”

William Clayton

24“You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”

Joseph Kesselring

25“Neighbours complaining about someone’s dog making an awful racket. You could hardly blame the poor beast, its owner had died in her bed at least a fortnight before and there hadn’t been much left of the old girl worth eating.”

James Oswald

26“In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.”

Neil Degrasse Tyson

27“I found her. There was blood everywhere. I slipped and fell in it.' 'That's awful,' Ling said when she found her voice again. 'It was awful. I loved those pants.”

Libba Bray

28“I read a report that said 88% of adults trust their doctors - well, 100% of dead people don't!”

Stewart Stafford

29“I did not need an unstable relationship to teach me about the evils of broken promises. I had parents for that.”

Michelle Franklin

30“The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”

Yahtzee Croshaw

31“Sometimes I miss the people my characters were before I ruined their lives.”

Victoria Schwab

32"I'm seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day."

Unknown

33“How much is real and for how long?”

J. Limbu

34“It's so hard being goth. You have to have a bad time everywhere.”

Clint Catalyst

35“What Promise of a new day does one have to ignore to laugh so early in the morning?”

Leot Felton