Quotes about Religion page 2

Religious distress is at the same time the expression of the real distress and also the protest against real distress. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of the spiritless condition. It is the opium of the people.
Karl Marx
Weird theory #47: Islamic women can do kinky things with their ankles. That's why the Koran says they aren't supposed to reveal them in public.
Let Jesus be your anchor! So when Satan rocks your boat, throw Jesus overboard!
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
Bertrand Russell
The Israelites were all waiting anxiously at the foot of the mountain, knowing that Moses had had a tough day negotiating with God. Finally a tired Moses came into sight. "I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said. "The good news is that I got Him down to ten. The bad news is that adultery's still in."
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
P.J. O'Rourke
While travelling near Tampa, Florida I passed the "Jehovah's Witness Assembly Hall" and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them.
A "Frisbeterian" believes that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, and you can't get it back down.
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
Jules Feiffer
Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages.
Taoism: Shit happens
Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: That shit happens is the will of Allah
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens"
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens"
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again
Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit
Shit Happens, in various World Religions
Cause you're the killers, you're the demons and you know that! Your music, rock 'n roll is a satanic... music! If you make the music go back you hear Satan speaking!
Unknown preacher, sampled by Faith no More and Midfield
"Certain teachings in the Bible are as diamonds in a dung-heap".
Thomas Jefferson
Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assisi
Never in the world does hatred cease by hatred; hatred ceases by love.
Let us live most happily, free from hatred in the midst of the hateful; Let us remain free from hatred in the midst of people who hate.
Do not look at the faults of what others have done or not done; observe what you yourself have done or not done.
As long as the prerequisite for that shining paradise is ignorance, bigotry, and hate... I say the hell with it.
"Inherit the Wind" (which pitted the teaching of evolution against creationism)
It is alleged by men of loose principles , or defective views of the subject, that religion and morality are not necessary or important qualifications for political station. When a citizen gives his vote to a man of immorality , he abuses his civic responsibilty. He sacrifices not only his own interest but that of his neighbor, and he betrays the interest of his country.
Noah Webster

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