Human Laws
Those undocumented nature laws existing just to ruin your day.
There are a total of 358 quotes in this category.
The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
Schapiro's Explanation
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty; but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
An Animated Cartoon Theology:
- People are animals.
- The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
- Life is antagonistic to the living.
- The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked for music.
- The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own cunning.
- The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own momentum.
- We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.
E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Rule of Feline Frustration
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
DeVries' Dilemma
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenius.
The other line moves faster.
Etorre's Observation
After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
Milt Barber
Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.Supplement:
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
First Law of Bicycling:
It is much more likely that it's uphill and against the wind.
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee, when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
John L. Shelton
No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
Ogden's Law
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Wethern's Law
01
02
03
04
05
06
07
08
09
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18