Funny Quotes page 92
If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. I would not want to submerge my head in there. All you hear is fish goin "Awww fuck. I thought I looked like that rock"Mitch Hedburg
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.Hunter .S. Thompson
If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?Paige R. CoolJ
One should never feel any discomfiture at being called great as long as he is not called upon to prove it.Charles G Dawes
Thank Benjamin Franklin dearly, because without him, we would all be watching televison by candle lightCaleb Keller
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.
Some people always grab the stool when there's a piano to be moved.
Many a child who watches television for hours will go down in history, not to mention arithmetic, English and geography.
A person who buries his head in the sand offers an engaging target.Mabel A Keenan
The fact that I love so much receiving so little leads me to three logical conclusión... I'm abnormal, I was born out of my time and place, and I'm a member of the wrong species... I should have been a dog...Rafael Alvarado
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don?t have one.Leo J Burke
There are four words which, in a particular order, fill a man's soul with fear: "Need", "Talk", "We" and "To".Rafael Alvarado
I'm tired of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're headed, and meet up with them later.Mitch Hedberg
I don't know Karate, but I know Ka-razy.James Brown
It's hard to pull your foot out of your mouth when your head is up your assFeddler Von Schtickle
F_CK! all I need is U.T-shirt
This doctor said that it?s not a good idea to give chocolate to a girl with PMS, because it makes the condition worse. On the other hand, it?s even more dangerous trying to take chocolate away from a woman with PMS.Jay Leno
This week marks the beginning of the Chinese year of the pig. So, guys, this is our year!Jay Leno
In the year 2036, an asteroid's gonna hit. The question President Bush has been asking himself all day is, "Where is Superman?"Letterman
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