Funny Quotes page 91

When in doubt, ascribe all quotations to Bernard Shaw.
Nigel Rees
Women. Can't live with 'em -- can't live with 'em
Don Bozzuffi
Maybe money corrupts the character. But lack of money isn't going to improve it either.
John Steinbeck
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Margot Asquith of Lloyd George
Some of the new books are so down to earth they ought to be ploughed under.
Anne Herbert
Who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.
Jerome K Jerome
A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.
Joey Adams
Why get out of bed when you can read about people that get out of bed?
'That 70's show'
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
Jon Stewart "The Daily Show"
Death is like a secret society, one hell of an initiation ceremony and no talking to non-members.
Joe Muldoon
I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.
Robert Baker (Paleontologist)
No speech can be entirely bad if it is short enough.
Irvin S Cobb
I'm not afraid of heights. I could stand down here and look up at it all day.
Don Bozzuffi
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
George Bernard Shaw, John Bull's Other Island [1907] act 2
I's only the men who consider the 50-mile hike as training in physical fitness. Women merely call it shopping.
Our culture teaches us to buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.
Gordon Bishop
"hey maddox, why shouldnt we be allowd to rape girls in the army? write about it " I don't even know how to begin answering your question, and I don't want to give you a response in the traditional sense so much as I want to give you a hatchet wound on your face. You're an idiot on so many levels, that I feel almost overwhelmed. Science can learn a lot from someone this stupid. What's really baffling is the subtle suggestion he's making in the phrasing of his question. The question "why shouldn't we be allowed to rape" implies that he asked someone?presumably a supervisor?for permission to forcefully ravage a woman's vagina, had his request denied (hence his knowledge that rape is disallowed), and somehow he's still able to send me stupid emails on the Internet instead of rotting in jail somewhere, learning why we shouldn't be allowed to rape through empirical observation. Idiot.
Maddox, in answer to the question above his rant.
A conference allows a group of people, who singly can do nothing, to together decide that nothiong can be done.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

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