Funny Quotes page 9

Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this article).
How boring is life in the Antarctic? People in one group wintering at the South Pole in the 1960s watched the film "Cat Ballou" 87 times. People in another, after tiring of the westerns, Disney features and pornographic films on hand, spliced the movies together into their own production and adopted a vocabulary based on their creation that was so strange that relief crews arriving in the spring could barely understand them.
If You Only Knew The Power Of The Darkside...
(breathe...... kooooff....... pschhhh......)
Darth Vader
He had this van that was painted all around, you know, with large Feynman diagrams. And you know, most people would look at those diagrams, of course, and they would look like some squiggly lines and they would mean nothing. But every so often, obviously, someone would see them and say, "Why do you have Feynman diagrams on your van?" And he would say, "Because I'm Richard Feynman."
NOVA: "The Best Mind Since Einstein"
You are not thinking. You are merely being logical.
Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.
Western Union internal memo, 1876
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science in 1949
That bomb can never detonate, and I say that as an explosives expert.
Admiral Leray about the Atom Bomb
We anticipate a global world-maket with place for perhaps five computers.
Tom Watson, IBM 1949
All imaginable inventions have already been invented.
Manager of the American Patent Agency Charles Duell 1899
If Darwin's theory of evolution was correct, cats would be able to operate a can opener by now.
Larry Wright
Guitar-groups have no future.
EMI-manager for Beatles 1962
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
Many nice things suck.
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
Robin Hood
I think pop music has done more for oral intercourse than anything else that has ever happened, and vice versa.
Frank Zappa
In 1928, Charles King was re-elected President of Liberia with a majority of 600,000. His opponent claimed that the vote had been rigged as there were only 15,000 people eligible to vote.
The great film comedian, Charlie Chaplin, once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest for a laugh. To his surprise he did not win.

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