Funny Quotes page 88

I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so.
Sydney Smith
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
George W Bush
We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know.
WH Auden
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?
Hugh Grant
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...and you finish off as an orgasm.
George Carlin
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade..... But damn, there is only soo much lemonade I can make!
Bhairavi Kothare
You don't have a TV? Well then what does all of your furniture point at?
Joey
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Mark Twain
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Life is the biggest trap you'll ever get caught in because it's impossible to get out alive.
Gillian McBride
Inside me lives a skinny woman trying to get out. I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.
There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.
Jane Austen - Mansfield Park
Books do not pause to give a message from their sponsors.
Don Dornbrook
Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
Milan
I hate all sweeping generalisations.
Nicholas Leith
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
Yogi Berra
Life isn't about what you take when you leave this world behind, it's what you leave behind when you go.
Three Wooden Crosses -Randy Travis

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