Funny Quotes page 82

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I've had a wonderful evening. This wasn't it, but I've had one.
Groucho Marx
If we had our way, most of us would choose the front of the bus, the back of the church and the centre of attention.
A. Glasow
When looking for a lost item why do we say "I know it's going to be in the last place I look." Of course it's going to be in the last place you look, who finds something and keeps on looking for it?
George Carlin
Why do they tell you to get on the plane? Fuck that! Let Eivel Knievel get ON the Plane, I'm getting IN the plane!
George Carlin
In Houston they have an airport named Hobby Airport. This makes me nervous. What do they have there, guys that dabble in Air Traffic Control?
George Carlin
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
Richard Pryor
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
George Carlin
You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone throws their caps? Isn't it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air.
Graduation Card
They're a boy band, we're a man band.
Bono, U2 (talking about Westlife)
Your great uncle had a saying, "Shoot em all and let God sort em out." Unfortunatley he put it into practice one day and it took several US Marshalls to bring him down.
Marge Simpson, The Simpsons
I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox the first, my father was Zaphod Beeblebrox the second, my grandfather was Zaphod Beeblebrox the third and so on...there was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine.
The Restaurant at the End of the Eniverse
With all the grinding and humping in rap videos I think I need a condom just to watch.
Mike Hutchison
It's not pollution that's harming the Earth. It's the impurities in the air and water.
George W Bush
Lady, people aren't chocolates. But you know what they are, mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
John McGinley, Scrubs
I actually did vote for the $87 billion..before I voted against it.
John Kerry
It's like eating carrots while you're in Idaho. I like carrots, but I'm in Idaho...I want a potato.
Jerry Seinfeld
1.That ball went so high it could have got an airhostess down with it. 2.There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over. 3.Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald. 4.Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter. 5.Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn! 6.He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30! 7.The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings! 8.As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine. 9.The ball whizzes past like a bumblebee and the Indians are in the sea. 10.The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack. 11.The pitch is as dead as a dodo. 12.Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar! 13.The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala..! one falls and everything else falls! 14.Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze. 15.You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs. 16.Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United. 17.He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too. 18.One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six. 19.Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm. 20.Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two. 21.You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
Navjot Siddhu's Cricket Wisdom

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