Funny Quotes page 80

Kids in backseats dont cause accidents.............accidents in backseats cause kids!!
I bet You wish you were my homework because if you were my homework you would be hard and i would be doing you on the floor!
If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck, it's unlikely to be a dog.
I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times...
One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Life is a tacky lounge act. You're on in five.
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
Ronald Reagan
Ever get the feeling that in life, when your finally holding all the cards, everyone else is playing chess?
Gil Stern
If you're not supposed to eat animals then why are they made of meat?
Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas: an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.
Eric Cartman, Southpark
And the award for worst costume this year goes to ... Stan, for his stupid little clown-thing costume. Let's all point at Stan and laugh, children!
Mr Garrison, South Park
I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.
Albert Einstein
But Marge, you being the cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed is simply a comfort thing.
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
We found Jesus. He was behind the couch the whole time.
Novelty Buttons
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
Michael Katzer
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen
I bent my wookie.
Ralph Wiggum
Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO". Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
Family Guy

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