Funny Quotes page 78

The Guide says that there is an art to flying," said Ford, "or rather, a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
Descartes, 1637
Me, I'm dishonest. And you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, honestly. It's the honest ones you have to look out for. Because you never know when they'll do something....stupid.
Jack Sparrow - Piraties of the Caribbean
There was once a time when I was like you. But there was never a time when you were like me, nor will there ever be.
Diogenes
I'm a bomb technician, if you see me running try to keep up
Logo on a T-shirt
I want you all to think about what you ate today and cut that in half. This is called a diet."
"Why do we all have to go on a diet?"
"Because in cheerleading, we throw people in the air, and fat people don't go as high.
Bring it On
Hello, the doctor is busy at the moment,however, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality: -if you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly. -if you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2". -if you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5". -if you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want, just stay on the line so we can trace your call. -if you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press. -if you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
Tracy
Perfection is a dream so far from your reach it can only exist as a intangible idea or through the perception of others like me.
Mike Hutchison
In the battle between ignorance and knowledge, ignorance is undoubtably prevailing, how else can you explain Canadian politics?
Mike Hutchison
End poverty - Eat the poor
This gum tastes like Rubber!
Seen on a condom vending machine
People say I'm crazy for talking to myself. I say I'm just glad to have found an intelligent conversation.
Mike Hutchison
This place was so much friendlier when the mob ran it.
Angel
When asked what he wanted from life, he said, I'll start with a written apology.
B Tier
Why should you never iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.
Daryl Stout
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Caskie Stinnett
I am very good at things people get arrested for...
T-Shirt
Feudalism: It's your count that votes!
Change is innevitable, except from vending machines.

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