Funny Quotes
Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why.
Øyvind Stegard
If you can read this you now have SARS.
Small print on a T-shirt
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
Men are proof that women can take a joke.
Ashley
Is the kidney a bean-shaped organ, or is the bean a kidney-shaped legume?
George Carlin
I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying.
Nascar shirt
I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time.
- Charlie Brown
Insanity--a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
- R. D. Lang
My semen was here....and here...and here.... and here...
Restroom Graffiti
I am a Team Player, I just don't play on the same team as you.
( my response to my boss )
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Cambridge University
Procrastination is the accumulation of motivation.
Ryan Bragg
Everyone makes mistakes, thats why they put rubbers on the end of pencils.
Lenny from the simpsons
There might not be anything fishy going on at all, but that's no reason to stop making perfectly good conspiracy theories.
CowboyNeal, Slashdot
Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
Jack Handey
When life gives you lemons, squeeze them on people with paper cuts!
a friend
English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
Homer Simpson
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
Dan Quayle
On trains of thought: Strange saying, ‘I lost my train of thought.’ If thoughts where trains and your mind a maze of tracks what would your destination ultimately be? Can’t answer that really but the journey is the most interesting thing alive. There is a quote among my friends that my train of thought constantly derails. Well not only does it derail but it rolls off a cliff into a lake and promptly explodes just to spite physics.
Larisa Dawn Entermille
Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.
-Department of Social Services
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