Funny Quotes
Space. It seems to go on and on forever, then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
Phillip J. Fry
Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him.
Paul Eldridge
You're only a rebel from the waist down.
George Orwell, 1984
If you expect the unexpceted, do you unexpect the expected?
Anonymous
Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that shit just goes right out the window.
Hoot, Black Hawk Down
You're better than normal! You're abnormal!
Phillip J. Fry, Futurama
i dont usually get compliments, so i was suprised when the phone company rang me up to say that i had an outstanding account
Alcohol releases the inner retard in all of us...
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than Alzheimer's research. By the year 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky breasts, never-ending erections, and no recollection of what to do with either of them.
The natural reason why women's buttocks are of a greater size than men's is that the anvil must always be bigger than the hammer.
Tabarin (1587-1633)
I'd like to be your basket, so that when you feed the hen, you'd have my handle in your hand.
Ruzzante (1502-1542)
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that they can train Americans to stand by the edge of a large, water filled tank and feed them fish, after only a week in captivity?
Adam Ferguson
CLONING? Thats like looking at yourself in the mirror....only you ain't backwards.
Dennis Fryer
Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
So there's your happy ending. Now get out, because nowhere on your ticket does it say you can sleep here!
Brain Candy
I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.
Seen on a bumper sticker
I'm one of those good people bad things happen to.
Craig Boldman & Pete Matthews
Hearing a nun confess is like being stoned to death by popcorn.
When driving through the ghetto, does the icecream truck man play rap music? And if not, is he often attacked by angry mobs?
-Anon.
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: "What good would that do?"
Eddie
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