Funny Quotes page 72

Mayflies only live for one day, so I guess if they don't eat breakfast they had a bad childhood.
The kids in the hall
A hospital is no place to be sick.
Samuel Goldwyn
Veni, Vidi, Velcro... I came, I saw, I stuck around!
The virtues of being punctual are largely offset by having to wait for people who aren't.
Giant oak trees started out as little nuts that held their ground.
The biggest problem with perfection is what to do with all the unused erasers.
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
Frank Lloyd Wright
He tried to murder me. When you kill someone by chopping off their head, wrapping the body in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead.
Colin, Whose Line Is It Anyways?
What you think is a white horse in the park could be a zebra synchronised with the railings
one of those diaries with funny quotes
I will destroy you, via destruction.
Sean Stowers
When asked to describe the famouse glass of water, there can only be 4 answers and they will reflect the character of the person, they are: a) half empty b) half full c) half empty, no...half full, ...I mean empty, ...what was the question? d) hey, I ordered a cheeseburger!
Gary Larson
They say the guys with really cool cars are compensating for small wangs. Well, ladies, I don't even have a car.
Justin Fischer
I don't like to repeat gossip, so listen carefully the first time.
The road to sucess is always under construction
Mohammed al Saati
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the 9 millimeter bullet.
Dave Barry
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
Albert Einstein
What I do have a problem with are the people who fail to see the glaring hypocrisy of screaming the words "shut up" into a bullhorn.
Dennis Miller
'Pessimist' is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.
Discworld Noir
there's nothing good about being the woman of the house, apart from wearing the underwear
Homer Simpson

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