Funny Quotes
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colon."
Yea, I tried to see it from your point of veiw, but I couldn't get my head that far up my ass.
Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist, you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
You know it's always business doing pleasure with you.
You and the bank own a very lovely home.
There is optimism and pessimissm... somewhere in the middle is alcoholism.
Party like there's no tomorrow! Then when you wake up the next morning, you'll be surprised!
Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different.
We'd better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms.
My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time...
Common sense is not always common.
It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, do you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
If you've come here to complain you've just wasted 98% of your time. I suggest you use the remaining 2% and find the door.
Virginity is not Dignity... It is just lack of Opportunity...
Vegetarian: Indian for lousy hunter.
Canadian healthcare is like a hospital gown, you only think your coverd.
Two hunters are walking throught the woods one day, when one of the hunters falls down to the ground all of a sudden. The other hunter calls 911 and asks the lady what to do. The lady responds, first we have to make sure hes dead. (Then you hear a loud shotgun go off in the background) The hunter replys, ok now what?
If you kill me then I'll be dead.
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