Funny Quotes page 70

If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If this is the house of pancakes, how come I can't eat the walls?
Homer Simpson
Me fail english? Thats unpossible!
Ralph Wigum
Life is just a game and no one has picked me for their team.
Amy Kleer
The lightbulb really screwed up the moth didn't it? What did they do before it? Are there moths on the way to the sun right now going "C'mon, it's gonna be worth it"?
Bill Hicks
The location of the stud behind the drywall is in direct proportion to the force of the punch thrown. i:e: The harder you hit the wall, the better your chance of hitting the stud.
Bob Mertes
I get to go to lots of over-seas places, like Canada.
Britney Spears
Early to bed, early to rise . . . a strong indicator that you lack a social life.
(Homer kicking a sales man out of his house that's trying to sell a house alarm)
Sales man: ...but you can't put a price on your family's safety (the sales man says while standing in the doorway).
Homer: I would have thought so too but here we are now.
The Simpsons
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."
John P.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me
We aim to please; Will you AIM too, please?
Restroom Sign
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, but a kiss isn't a kiss without any tongue!
I'm not going to get drunk, I'm just going to drink until I can't see!
John Mayer
Physics is like sex...sure there are practical reasons for it, but that's not why we do it.
Confucious say: man who stand in front of car is tired, man who stand behind car is exhasted.
Finish your beer! There are sober kids in India!!
T shirt
By the time you read this, you've already read it.
Don't steal, the government doesn't need any competition.
Tom Arnold

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