Funny Quotes page 69

If I got a nickel everytime someone said they hated me, I'd be broke as hell.
Stephanie Tucker
I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
50 Cents, 21 Questions
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole damn Chicken!
95.1 The Nerve
Human brain has two parts: the right and the left. The left has nothing right in it and the right has nothing left in it .
The distant hills call to me. Their rolling waves seduce my heart. Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys. Oh, how I want to run down their green slopes. Alas, I cannot. Damn the electric fence! Damn the electric fence! Oh, how we long to run with a wilder herd. Alas, we cannot.
Birthday card
The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellect because I wear glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
Woody Allen
A prostitute’s epitaph: “At last she sleeps alone.”
A married couple celebrating their golden wedding anniversary decided to give each other’s gifts in the form of epitaph: The man wrote, “Here’s my one and only wife, cold as ever.” The woman wrote, “Here’s my one and only husband, stiff at last.”
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
Nikki de Coninck
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it!
Old Chinese Proverb
Anyone who speaks german can't be evil
The Simpsons
It's about time that i teach you how to speak gooder English.
Why was Tigger looking down the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.
Juan Santos
I was standing in the park, wondering why frisbees got bigger as they came closer... then it hit me!
How can I sore like an Eagle when I'm surrounded by penguins.
I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?
Be nice to your kids, they choose your nursing home.
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