Funny Quotes page 48

I'm gonna beat you like a hard-on!
One of my football player friends
Lets make like a fetus and head out
Ya gotta hate it when guys use the wrong head to make up their minds.
Carrie Sechler
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier, U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln, and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

When it comes to baldness, it's not about losing more hair, it's about getting more head.
Billy Joel
Life is like a box of chocolates. However, it may contain traces of nuts.
Blood is thicker than water and tastier than wine.
Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused.
Suburbs are places where they cut down the trees and name the streets after them.
Lets make like a fetus and get out of this mother.
What does Osama Bin Laden and pantyhose have in common? They both irritate Bush.
Let's make like sheep and get the flock outta here
God Made armpits so we don't have to stick our hands up our asses when it's cold.
Dave Matthews
DAAD: Drug addicts against drugs
Life's a bitch. Be its pimp.
Suicide is a way of telling God "you can't fire me... I QUIT."
They say money can't buy you happiness but it sure makes misery a lot more bearable.
busywork:-(n) bus·y·work ; bize-wûrk' Activity, such as schoolwork or office work, meant to take up time but not necessarily yield productive results.
The height of laziness is a man is shitting on the beach and waiting for the tide.

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