Funny Quotes
We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest. Yoko Ono is standing right next to him. She takes not one fucking bullet. Explain that to me! Explain that to me!"
Friends are like condoms: they protect you when things get hard.
Your Problems are as big as you make them, and your solutions as simple as you want them to be.
We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd.
Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.
IRS's motto: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
I like your style, I like your class, but most of all I like your ass.
Failed pickup line
Stupid quote: Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Answer to stupid quote: Because they aren't put in the dryer.
Remember, desperation leads to masturbation.
Askmen.com
Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.
Charlie Brown
Did you hear about the Pilsbury Dough Boy? He's in the hospital, he has a yeast infection.
When a guy says "Suck it!" I say, "Sorry but I choke on small objects."
If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
It is a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's seperation to ensure the propagation of the younger federation and the next generation.
Eric Cartman, South Park
God only made so many perfect heads; then He covered the rest with hair.
If the Pope takes a dump, is it Holy shit?
Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright.
Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
Jeff R. Evans
We don't have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty.
Although the rotary engine was invented by a man called Wankel, it has nothing to do with masturbation. Confusion over this has lead to numerous nasty accidents.
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