Funny Quotes page 42

The only inalienable right of human beings is to receive mail.
quote-r-us.com
I'm going home.
a Chinese guy digging a hole at the beach
People are just apes with a cultivated tuft of hair.
unknown
You know you're old when everyone you meet reminds you of someone you already know.
Unknown
I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!
If guys had their period, we'd probably brag about the size of our tampons
It doesn't do any good to stand on the seat. The crabs in this joint can jump eight feet!
Ladies room wall, Wooden Nickle Bar in Myrtle Beach S.C.
There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
Dave Barry
When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
My mother is a botanist, and she even names a flower after me. It's called the Bloomin' Idiot.
Am Radio Station
Two quotes that cowboys say that are lies:
"I got this here belt buckle at a rodeo," and
"Honestly officer, I was helping the sheep over the fence."
Definition of pain: Jumping off The Empire State Building and landing on a bicycle with no seat.

Defintion of a miracle: Getting off.
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and everyone thinks everyone else's stink.
Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone.
If all men are pigs, then you can call me Babe.
God created men first because you always need a rough draft before the final masterpiece!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Officer: "gee son....your eyes look red, have you been drinkin?" Drunk: "gee officer...your eye's look glazed, have you been eating dounuts?"
People who live in glass houses, shouldnt walk around naked.

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