Funny Quotes
How to speak about women and be Politically Correct:
- She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
- She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
- She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
- She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
- She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
- She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
- She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
- She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
- She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
- She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
- She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
- She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
If you took a shit, please put it back.
Bathroom Graffiti
I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
Dana Otto
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
What's another word for thesaurus?
Thomas Edison
Artists get to color the sky red because they know damn well that it's blue. But the rest of us non-artists have to color it blue, otherwise people might just think we're stupid.
Jules Feiffer
Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.
Homer Simpson
While I'm fully aware that money can't buy happiness, I wouldn't mind being known as that melancholy guy who drives the red Lamborghini Diablo.
George Olson
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Rene Descarte's younger brother
Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
I'll keep it short and sweet: family, religion, and friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Mr. Burns, The Simpson’s
Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and a true one
A cold beer - and another one.
Cheers!
I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher
Never knock on Death's door -- ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
Why is the word Long shorter than Short?
CatScratch
We came, we saw, we drank beer
Joe baze
May the Lord reach out to you with his guiding hand and smack you upside the head with it.
Excel
I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends.
One who ponders about the meaning of existence, the definition of love, the signification of emotions or the sense of life should get himself a dictionary, preferably a fat one.
Mirna Monla
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