Funny Quotes page 38

Girls are like slugs. They serve some purpose but it's hard to imagine what.
Calvin and Hobbes
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
While at a nursing home I overheard a young boy talking to a vetran of WWII. The boy asked what had happened to his leg. The old man looked up and said, "When your mom tells you not to pick at it, listen to her."
Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions...
Woody Allen
I'm an angel! honest! The horns are just there to hold up the halo.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person!
Darlin', I'd walk three miles over broken glass in bare feet to kiss the ass of the dog that pissed on the hubcap of the truck that took your panties to the cleaners!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit!
We are all worms. But I do believe that I am a glowworm.
Winston Churchill
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
I owed the government $3,400 in taxes, so I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
Stephen Wright
Trying is the first step towards faliure.
Homer Simpson
Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
Your village called, their idiot is missing.
Bumper Sticker
'Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Snore, and you sleep alone.'
You're not doing anything wrong until you get caught.
If my theory of relativity is proven correct, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.
Albert Einstein
A girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the sun can kiss the grass... But you, my friend, can kiss my ass.
I'm gonna stop procrastinating one of these days.
Ginger Calfee

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