Funny Quotes
I drink to make other people appear more intelligent... I drink a lot.
Flowers, balloons, lights and electronic carole cards adorned all the gravesites at our local Latin cemetery duing the holidays. One balloon read, "Get Well Soon".
Seen in East Los Angeles, CA
I didn't mean for her to take the insult personally!
Calvin and Hobbes
Don't walk away! I'm trying to apologize you dumb noodleloaf!
Calvin and Hobbes
Be back later...my dog ate my car keys....we are hitchhiking to the vet's office.
Unknown
Before you critizize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you critizize someone, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.
I'm in shape, round's a shape.
Deanna Colbert
When the going gets tough, just give up because it's probably too tough.
Matt Norman
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, 'I'd like a card.' He says, 'You have to prove you're a citizen of New York.' So I stabbed him.
http://expage.com/comedyquotes5
Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
Eric Idle, Monty Python - Bright Side of Life
Human Cloning doesn't scare me. People are "unethically making babies" in America all the time.
Don't think of a "F" as failure, think of it as a one-legged "A."
Jennifer McSorley
Discourage incest, ban country music
Bumper Sticker
I phoned my father to tell him I had stopped smoking... He called me a quitter.
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger
I fear the man who drinks water, and remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night.
As you slide down the bannister of life, remember me as a splinter along the way.
Snoring is my defense against blind morticians.
Dan Gilman
Dad: "With blood, sweat and tears, man can create anything he needs."
Son: "That's great, but who is going to want something like that when I am done?"Charlie Kenna
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Restroom Graffiti
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