Funny Quotes page 35

It takes money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton
Winston Churchhill once walked into the toilets of the House of Commons to find no room at the urinal, so he walked into one of the stalls. While in there he could hear Labour MPs saying "now he can't even pee with the rest of us", to which he peered over the top of the stall and replied "no it's just that if you saw something this big you would want to privatize it".
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?
If I am what I eat them I am cheap, quick, and easy.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemmingway
Even impossible says I M POSSIBLE!
In the sixties, normal people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
JC Mikesell
(On the back of an septic tank)
We're #1 in a #2 business!
It's not easy being green.
Kermit the Frog
The only real proof that there is intelligent life in outer space is that they have never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.
bumper sticker
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Suppose you were a Congressman. Suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
I am not retreating, I am advancing in a different direction.
General Douglas MacArthur
Teacher: "Well now we know what happens when you take a one-legged man's crutch away..." Me: "He learns to hop!"
Drumline Rehearsal (when they took our metronome away)
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Charles Sykes
I believe that 5 out of 4 people are bad at fractions.
Jenny O.

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