Funny Quotes page 33

I think all the stars are salt, and God's gonna' eat us all
This is the sort of pedantry up with which I shall not put.
Winston Churchill, after being insulted by a reporter for having poor grammar.
Everyone has issues except me - I have a damn subscription.
JD Ives
I smile because i have absolutly no idea what is going on!
Bumper Sticker
Jenny + Greg" (written in a heart)

Written by a different person underneath:

"If you love him so much why do you write his name where you wipe your ass?

Restroom Graffiti
Eskimo's have 49 words in their language to define snow because they have so much of it. In the english language, there are more then 50 ways to define a moron...
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
Mat Lauer on NBC's Today Show
I don't see what the big deal is with edible underwear... after you wear them a few times, they taste like all the other pairs anyway
Tom Arnold
Accept the some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
Kisses blown are kisses wasted, A kiss isn't a kiss unless it's tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated, so kiss me baby, I'm vacinnated!
Chain Letter
May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
Its a shame that stupidity isn't painful.
Todd Selburg
Xvxn though my typxwritxr's old, it works wxll xxcept for onx kxy. Sincx all thx othxr kxys work wxll, thx fact that mxrxly onx kxy isn't working doxsn't rxally causx that much of a problxm.
Of all of those sperm, you were the fastest?!
Book of Cracks
When hell freezes over, it will be a pretty cool place to snowboard.
Here I stand and hesitate
Should I piss or masturbate
Toilet Graffiti
I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked.
Pickup line
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
Dan Quayle

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