Funny Quotes page 32

The Kindergarten Theory for sex offenders:
If you can't play with your toys properly, you get them taken away.
Phil and I
I believe that Marx was only off by a suffix, it's not communism that can save us, but communication.
Krist Novoselic
If you see me running, try to keep up.
Back of bomb technician's shirt
Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away.
Garron Dace
One night, I was lying in bed looking up at the stars, when suddenly I said to myself, "Hey, where the Hell did my ceiling go?"
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
When you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer Simpson
If you have a chance to drive a tank, do it. Because when are you going to be able to drive a tank again?
Jeff Scotch
In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamflet look so calm?
Garron Dace
I just wish some one would call me "sir"... without adding "you're making a scene".
Homer Simpson
If God is Love, and Love is blind, is Ray Charles God?
Women: can't live with them, can't herd them all to Canada.
Al Bundy
It's people like you who give scum a bad name.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
The older you get, the more important is it not to act your age.
I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Salvador Dali
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Warren Zevon

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