Funny Quotes
A man hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those words.
The Harper Book of Quotations
Welcome to loserville. Population: you.
billboard
We may act, look, and feel like idiots, but at least we're having fun in the process.
Trina Rae Kelso
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld
The Legend of "Kilroy was here" was started inadvertently by a shipyard inspector during WWII named James J. Kilroy , who used the logo to indicate his inspection of riveting in the newly constructed troop ships was complete.
To the unfortunate troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery ... all they knew for sure was that he had "been there first". As a joke, they began placing the graffiti wherever they (the US forces) landed, claiming it was already there when they arrived.
Kilroy Was Here
This site is a waste of time. Couldn't we just find these quotes in books? These quotes are chosen by some pompous asshole.
Matthew Lar
These people aren't your friends, they're payed to kiss your feet.
Radiohead
A miniskirt speech: Short enough to keep you intrested, long enough to cover the topic.
Norby
Whats smooth on the inside and pricks on the outside? A hedgehog.
Whats smooth on the outside and has pricks on the inside? A BMW.
Norbit
Please don't throw cigarette butts on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
Bathroom graffiti
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by.
Douglas Adams
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
Women are like a hurricane, they come in wet and wild, but when they leave, they take your house, car, and all your personal belongings.
J. Smith
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love" by Robert Heinlein
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love" by Robert Heinlein
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love" by Robert Heinlein
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Redd Fox
People need to realize that every time they talk about how "fragile" our planet is, it's just like asking outer-space aliens to come invade us
Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
One of the worst things You can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.
Jack Handey
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