Funny Quotes
When was a lad, there was only one Germany, Latvia, Estonia, Khazachstan, Eusbekistan, Bosnia, Herzegovina; and then it all changed. And then it all changed back again. Those changes cost the lives of 66 million people. But it didn't cost me a penny -- 'cause I kept my old atlas.
Old Man
I think slangs are existing for make fun of foreign exchange students.
One foreign exchange student from Japan
There is no such thing as a bisexual... just greedy people.
Scott Meska
You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin. But you can't let the package hide the pudding. Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it! You gotta smack it on the nose with the rolled up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!
The Tick, from the TV show
Gennifer Flowers was asked recently if her sexual relationship with Bill Clinton was similar to the one he had with Monica Lewinsky. She replied, \"Close, but no cigar.\"
Fail, #poolside
A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind.
Turn on, tune in, drop out
Timothy Leary
You suffer from the oral-anal reversal problem... you're either talking shit or talking out-of-your-ass, but you don't know which.
Maj Chip Krokoski
If your robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh. And let the hostages laugh too, becasue I mean, come on, Life is funny!
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
Edgar Allan Poe
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
Woody Allen
It was a brave man who ate the first oyster.
Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.
Great Moments in Marketing
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
This isn't school! This is Hell with flourecent lighting!
Shawn
How's life treating you, Norm?
Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.
Norm Peterson, "Cheers"
How's a beer sound, Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Norm Peterson, "Cheers"
What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
"Going Down?
Norm Peterson, "Cheers"
Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here.
Norm Peterson, "Cheers"
01
02
03
04
05
06
07
08
09
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94