Funny Quotes
If life is just a stage, then we are all running around ad-libbing, with absolutely no clue what the plot is. Maybe that's why we don't know whether it's a comedy or a tragedy.
Bill Watterson
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
There ain't no devil, ther'e just God when he's drunk.
Tom Waits
My other car is a porsche
Bumper sticker
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Some people say "shoot" instead of "shit." They can't fool me, man. "Shoot" is "shit" with two o's.
George Carlin
We spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.
Men's room graffiti
One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the difficulties involved in trying to exceed it. You can't. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. The Hingefreel people of Arkintoofle Minor did try to build spaceships that were powered by bad news but they didn't work particularly well and were so extremely unwelcome whenever they arrived anywhere that there wasn't really any point in being there.
Douglas Adams, "Mostly Harmless"
Sex on TV is bad. You may fall off.
Brian Litterell
I must be a mushroom because I'm always kept in the dark and fed bullshit.
Northwest territory magazine
No matter how badly idiots outnumber you... they are still the idiots!
Daria
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
Amber
I think therefore I am severly concerned.
I plan to live forever... So far so good.
Lauren
See the happy moron - he doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron - by God! Perhaps I am!
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
I am not fat... I prefer to think of myself as subcutaneously gifted.
P. J. Sexton
The higher you are, the farther you fall.
Richard Bodiford
The difference between involved and committed can best be explained using a bacon and egg breakfast as an example: The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.
If you can't face it, moon it.
Ashley Heiskell
01
02
03
04
05
06
07
08
09
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94