Funny Quotes
I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.
Woody Allen
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Oscar Wilde
Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times!
A smoker
All I want to know is who the man is that looked at a cow and said "I think I drink from whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them.
Calvin and Hobbes
"When all else fails let her be on top".
Snowbabe's ex. boyfriend
If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Just because you're stupid doesn't mean I'm lying
Rev. Dr. Bill Levering
Always check for ferrets before sitting.
When life gets you down, just remember these three words of wisdom. "Bonk!", "Zap!", and "Yowsers!"
Tyler Webb
Do not walk behind me for you are not my slave, and do not walk next to me, even though you are my equal.. but walk five steps in front of me cause baby you got a nice ass!
Allyn Rodriguez!
A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway.
Poorman
If you tie your shoelace, the only way to tie it again is to untie it.
My shoes
You can stump any stoner with one question: What were we just talking about?
Jim Breuer
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!
Homer Simpson
Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Homer Simpson
That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!
This life is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual life You would have received "Further instructions on Where to go and what to do"!
The only word with c-o-m-p-l-e-x in it that anyone should have, is complexion, and it should be a healthy one
Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.
When I found that I held the only key to her heart, I killed the locksmith.
Seth Hinz
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