Funny Quotes page 16

What is the worst thing in the world? I'll tell you what. It's being strapped into a dark car playing very staticky country music on an AM station while slowly driving around and around the town. I myself would prefer death by screwdriver.
Tera Ellefson
If lifes not a game, then how come there are so many players?
I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now what was it isn't it, and what is it is weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you too.
Grandpa Simpson
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too...
Ang :)
Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink
Brandi Kangiser
Smile, dammit!
Having a good boyfriend is like having a good bra, its all about support!
I've seen old cops and I've seen bold cops, but I've never seen any old bold cops!!
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me.
If you need a nickel, I'll give you a dime. But if your looking for a man, don't be fuckin with mine.
I may be ugly, but at least I aint got no money.
Bill & Dan
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Ozzy Ozbourne
All I want is a kind word, a warm bed and unlimited power.
Can I buy you a drink, or should I just give you the money?
Failed pick-up line
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark Twain
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, sometimes long, sometimes short, but always useful.
Leslie Disponett
It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need, and all the militaty has to do is have a bake sale for a new bomber.
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

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