Computer Quotes

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation " warning light, and the car would not work.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Found on the instructions sheet for a new hard drive:

For additional help on installiation, open the readme.txt file on this hard drive.

Hard drive installiation instructions

The service department you received this email from makes no promises, nor provides guarantees of service if unforseen circumstances affect system availability; nor does the department claim omniscience but does have a high regard for Murphy's Law.

The difference between Bill Gates and God is that God's Word works.

The box said, "Requires Windows 95 or better," so I installed Linux!

erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

Erno, IRC (bash.org)

Zybl0re> get up
Zybl0re> get on up
Zybl0re> get up
Zybl0re> get on up
phxl|paper> and DANCE
[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

HatefulOfHollow, IRC (bash.org)

Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

Honx, IRC (bash.org)

blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed. FlipTopBx> is it modded?

FlipTopBx, IRC (bash.org)

Hacking is like having sex. You get in, you get out, then you hope that you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

T-shirt

Programming software is like creating a maze and going through it at the same time. Only you know the exact route you've taken, and anyone else is likely to get lost or screw it up entirely!

Lyndsey Hayward

Nobody's gonna believe that computers are intelligent until they start coming in late and lying about it.

Why are so many viruses aimed at windows? It crashes just fine on its own thank you!

Most technology has the shelf life of a banana.

Sun's McNealy

Quake III is one of the best games...granted you never make a mistake. You will be killed immediately. Then, the person who killed you then dies because he makes a mistake. And on and on. Then, finally, it comes back to you, and you make one frag. This is the only way you ever will.

*Omni*{911}

Of course, the best way to get accurate information on Usenet is to post something wrong and wait for corrections

Matthew Austern

The box said "requires windows 98 or better" so I installed linux

I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.

E-Mail signature

Since human beings themselves are not fully debugged yet, there will be bugs in your code no matter what you do.

Chris Mason, Microsoft

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