Computer Quotes

Some of these require some computer knowledge to be understood.
There are a total of 203 quotes in this category.

Internet people love acronyms because they make communication much more efficient, as we can see from the following typical conversation:

Person A: What's up?
Person B: Not much.
Person A: LOL. HEFY?
Person B: ROTFL.
Person C: PMFJ, but IMHO,
OJIOGBUOLSWMR
TJVAIFWNTMITSI
HDHGCOAC.

Dave Barry, Dave Barry In Cyberspace

Telling computer guys that they need to have permission to quote things is like having to tell little children about Death.

Ted Nelson

People says Microsoft paid 14 million dollars for using the Rolling Stones song "Start me up" in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft paid 14 million dollars only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line "You'll make a grown man cry".

The number of the beast - vi vi vi

World Wide Web

EASY TO INSTALL = Difficult to install, but instruction manual has pictures.

People on Jolt cola write the funniest things.

A-10 Obedience Guide, Kitty Hawk Studios

Why we all love the PC: A program "Hard Disk LED v1.1", which simulates the light that tells you your harddrive is spinning, takes 1.2 MB zip-archived.

Simon

>WaRRioR_ would like quake full and final....will trade vital organs.\"

IRC channel #Warez

Has everyone been incapacitated by a unknown virus introduced into the world population in order to incapacitate internet users by slowing typing speed to a reallllly slow pace ....or am I just lagged?

Deidre, #se-opers

It can take quite a while for a Web page to appear on your screen. The reason for the delay is that, when you type in a Web address, your computer passes it along to another computer, which in turn passes it along to another computer, and so on through as many as 5 computers before it finally reaches the work station of a disgruntled U.S. Postal Service employee, who throws it in the trash.

Dave Barry, Dave Barry In Cyberspace

You should use the preceding terms whenever you have to "interface"¹ with computer experts. For example, if you're purchasing a new computer, you want to use as many of these terms as possible, so that store personnel will realize that they're dealing with a person who has a high level of technical expertise:

STORE PERSONNEL: May I help you?
YOU: I'm looking for a "hard drive" with plenty of "RAM" in the "megahertz."
STORE PERSONNEL: You want the computer store next door. This is a supermarket.
YOU: Let me see your "zucchini."

Dave Barry, Dave Barry In Cyberspace

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and [Unix] BSD. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

Jeremy S. Anderson

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

Mitch Ratcliffe, "Technology Review" (1992)

Basically, Doom is a (violent) 3D arcade game where you run around in a maze and kill things with shotguns and chainsaws.... After you get tired of killing things, you can run it over a network and kill things together with your friends. After you get tired of that, you can kill your friends.

Frequently Asked Questions: Doom

Hello, Sailor!

Zork II

Cyberspace. A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation, by children being taught mathematical concepts... A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data. Like city lights, receding...

William Gibson, "Neuromancer"

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin colour, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

"Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.

"My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for. I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

The Mentor, "The Conscience of a Hacker"

Ever notice that the AT&T Logo looks like the DEATH STAR?

The Demise of the DiskDoctor:
The story I was told goes something like this. The software folks were not quite sure whether DiskDoctor should be dumped or improved, so they decided to leave it up to DiskDoctor itself. They put the DiskDoctor source on an old floppy, then ran DiskDoctor on it. As often happened, DiskDoctor damaged this undamaged disk. So, while it's often said that DiskDoctor was "sued for malpractice", it's more correct to state that DiskDoctor committed suicide.

Dave Haynie, from the manual of DiskSalv (Amiga)

One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Robert Firth

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