Black Humor page 5

If I'm sleeping and you want to wake me, don't shake me just take me!
Graffiti
Homosexuality is a pain in the arse!
Graffiti
Sky-diving: good til the last drop.
Graffiti
The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat.
Graffiti
When you die you go to heaven. Until then welcome to hell!
Popular welcoming words in the Swedish army. (Boden)
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another which states that this has already happened.

Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker'sGuide to the Galaxy"
Go stick your head in a pig.
For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across--which happened to be the Earth -- where due to a terribble miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidently swallowed by a small dog
Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker'sGuide to the Galaxy"
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
DROP THE SCYTHE, AND TURN AROUND SLOWLY.
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a mountain in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'.
"The Colour of Magic"Terry Pratchett
If you want your name spelt wrong, die.
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
I have a drinking problem, I can't afford it.
Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
The Hitchhiker'sGuide to the Galaxy
The story so far:

In the beginning the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
I'll never get off this planet.
Hell's broken loose.

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