Black Humor page 35

The best way to get the news is from objective sources, and the most objective sources I have are people on my staff who tell me what's happening in the world.
George Bush
If you think you've hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Worrying is good. Think of it as meditation for realists.
someone extremely wise
It's unfair to say that men spend their entire lives in pursuit of sex. That's simply not the case. We do, after all, have to eat.
Bobo The Red
There is still time for things to go horribly wrong.
The biggest argument I have with my friend is which one of us is going to rule Hell when we die. Should I worry that we argue this or that we always end up conceding that I will?
Logan Geoffrion
Don't hate people because they are of a different colour, race or sexual orientation. Hate them because, despite outward appearances, they are all human and that in itself is a terrible crime.
Patrick Burn
The world needs sadistic people like me. If there were none of us you would never be happy because you would know no sadness.
Patrick Burn
Reality is Public opinion.
Patrick Burn
Guns don’t kill people, dangerous minorities do.
Three men competing to be the most vile. The first saw a woman carrying wood atop her head. He beat her. The second tore off her clothes and raped her. The third stood back. When the other two asked what he would do to prove his wickedness, he laughed. That was my mother, he said.
I moved from Seattle, Washington to New York City. The city with the highest suicide rate to the city with the highest homicide rate. What can i say?, Im just not a "do it yourself" kinda guy!
Sleep is overrated. It's like practicing death.
T. Henry
In an autocracy, one person has his way; in an aristocracy a few people have their way; in a democracy, no one has his way.
Celia Green
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, and land among the stars, you will probably suffocate anyway.
Dustin. C. Murus
Most of our imports come from overseas.
George Bush
I want to name my kids after people I hate, so I can beat them - and feel good about it.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end . . .
Jerry Seinfeld

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