Black Humor page 33

Porn: It's cheaper than dating.
Bumper sticker
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Raoul Duke, about Dr. Gonzo
Useless act deemed necessary by our great nation's government: Swabbing the death row inmate's arm with alcohol just before the lethal injection.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't deal with drugs!
Bumper Sticker
I'm not an alchemist, I can't turn shit into gold!
A trumpet player only knows three dynamics: Loud, Louder, and Loudest.
Stephanie Tucker
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
If only my wife was this Dirty!
Written on the back of a bus window covered in Dirt
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Only God knows why, Kid Rock
Give a dog a tasty name and eat him.
Book of unusual proverbs
I dance like a special ed kid holding sparklers
Patton Oswalt on Jimmy Kimmel Live 5/9/03
How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up like an Alter boy.
If it was the thought that counts... I would have been laid by many women
Kyle McCaffrey
I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
Monica Piper
Spear Britney...
You know son, if you masterbate often enough you will go blind"
"Over here dad
Laughs for Lunatics
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, but it was some bastard with a torch carrying more work.
Serial killers are people too!

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