Black Humor
Be kind to your children. They choose your nursing home.
Bumper Sticker
Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.
Bumber Sticker
A lot of people say I should become a priest because I'm so good with children.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Philander Johnson
Kill 1-20 and you're a Murderer
Kill 30 - 1000 and you're a Terrorist
Kill 10.000 - 20 million and you're a Conqueror/Dictator
Kill Everyone and you're God
That which doesnt kill you can still cripple, maim, torture, or otherwise cause you intense pain while still not making you stronger and only teaching you that that which doesnt kill you can still cripple, maim, torture, or otherwise still hurt.
Shahnawaz Zaheer
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of
No matter where you go in the world, there never seems to be a shortage of idiots
DJ Allen
In all honesty you could slit my throat today and with my one last gasping breath I would apologize for bleeding on your shirt.
Jon Mosora
Hire the handi-capped: they don't work very well but at least they're fun to watch.
Bisexual's Creedo: If you're only going one way, you're missing half the fun.
Cell-block Wisdom
Support mental health or I'll kill you!
T-shirt
My mother made me a lesbian"
Written below that in different handwriting:
"If I got her the right supplies, could she make me one too?
Bathroom Graffiti
Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts
If you've only known a girl for a week or two and she invites you over to light candles and hold her in your arms forever... she misses her ex-boyfriend.
Dave Competello
There is more probability of aliens than there is of god so why is it that when someone says they believe in aliens, they are completely crazy. But if they believe in some all powerful invisible dude in the sky, they are on the road to success?
Stan: Why does a third of the world hate us?
Afghani-Stan: Because you don't realise that a third of the world hates you!South Park
Its not easy being a penis. I have a head I can't think with, an eye I can't see out of, I live with 2 nuts, my closest neighbor is an asshole, my best friend is a pussy and my owner beats me all the time.
T-shirt
Save your ammo: eat roadkill.
A womans place is on a man's face!
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