Black Humor
You never truly appreciate the beauty of a woman, until you've see the ugliness of 500 others.
My Kid would have been an Honor Student but... I had an abortion!
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, thats as good as they're going to feel all day.
Beer - helping white people dance since 1837
It is people like you that make me pro-abortion.
I knew I was unwanted when my bath toys were a radio and toaster.
Video games don't ruin kids. If Pac-Man ruined us as kids, we would all be running around in darkened rooms, eating magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
Incest is best: if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.
Don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your dick look small.
If time was money then I would be fucking rich!
And I think to myself... this world is so fucked up that people can't even take a shit in a public restroom.
Don't you think it's just mildly ironic that most of the people against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
I think wet dreams are actually God giving you a handjob for being so good.
Life is like a toilet it's always full of assholes
A good friend will bail you out of jail, But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!"
You say psycho like it's a bad thing.
Life is like a toilet paper roll -- it gets shorter near the end.
My boyfriend told me he needed some space. I told him to join NASA.
Failure: when your best just isn't good enough.
I'm off like foreskin on a jew!
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