Black Humor

My Kid would have been an Honor Student but... I had an abortion!

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, thats as good as they're going to feel all day.

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Beer - helping white people dance since 1837

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It is people like you that make me pro-abortion.

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I knew I was unwanted when my bath toys were a radio and toaster.

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Video games don't ruin kids. If Pac-Man ruined us as kids, we would all be running around in darkened rooms, eating magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

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Incest is best: if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.

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Don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your dick look small.

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If time was money then I would be fucking rich!

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And I think to myself... this world is so fucked up that people can't even take a shit in a public restroom.

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Don't you think it's just mildly ironic that most of the people against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?

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I think wet dreams are actually God giving you a handjob for being so good.

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Life is like a toilet it's always full of assholes

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A good friend will bail you out of jail, But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!"

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You say psycho like it's a bad thing.

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Life is like a toilet paper roll -- it gets shorter near the end.

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My boyfriend told me he needed some space. I told him to join NASA.

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Failure: when your best just isn't good enough.

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I'm off like foreskin on a jew!

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