Black Humor
They say that every hour you spend exercising is another hour added on to your life. But what good is all that time if you spend it on exercise?
Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the winter and shade in the summer.
Sorry I've missed church, I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog... and I don't even have a dog.
I see!" says the blind man, as he pisses in the fan, "It all comes back to me now...
I said "NO" to drugs!
(but they just wouldn't listen)
Jesus loves you
(but everyone else thinks you're an asshole)
If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
PHILOSOPHY, n. A path of many roads leading from nothing to nowhere.
I'm always getting screwed by the system. That's my lot in life. I'm the system's bitch.
The game of life has three rules:
- You can't win.
- You can't break even.
- You can't get out of the game.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Silence is golden... but it's also boring.
If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.
Some might say I'm a right-wing, reactionary fanatic who had a horrible upbringing because his father beat him everyday with a bible, but it never did me any harm.
The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.
Constipated people don't give a shit!
Hey, I don't like cocaine... I just like the way it smells.
Nuke gay whales for Jesus
It is a choice between two evils, and I am going to shut my eyes, hold my nose, vote, go home and disinfect myself.
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