Black Humor
Life is like a prick. When it's hard you get fucked. When it's soft you can't beat it.
H.C. Friedman
Earth First! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
Bumpersticker
Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit!
Bumper sticker
Ninety percent of everything is crap.
Theodore Sturgeon
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles- watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
David Letterman
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Las Vegas is a town built on bad math.
Penn of Penn & Teller
Magic [embodies] the concept of lying turned into an art form.
Teller of Penn & Teller
This is not a court of Justice, young man, it is a court of Law!
Oliver Holmes Jr., U.S. Supreme Court Justice
Run for office? No, I have slept with too many women, done too many drugs and been to too many parties.
George Clooney
Smile. Tomorrow's going to be worse.
Frost
Life's hard, wear a helmet
The secret to life is that there is no secret at all and you don't get your money back.
Faith Hill Country Music Song
"Beauty is just a light switch away".
Nacole Alyshia Bua
Boy Scout: Kid dressed like an idiot led by an idiot who's dressed like a kid.
Devils Dictionary
A rebel with a cause is a hero; a rebel without one is stupid.
Jason Wells
Buy me another beer. Your still ugly.
John Helmer
What women do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close.
Tori Amos
Men are like tile floors, lay them down right the first time and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
Lisa Tarbox
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